Pretty please?
by Lavender Mansworth
Summary: What happens when Sirius needs a place to stay? He goes to his cousin Bellatrix's house, of course! And what happens then? Even I'm not sure where this is going. Possible BellaSirius.
1. The Arrival

A/N: Greetings, my dear friends! This is a fic that came to me one night, while I was lying in bed, so I made it into a thrilling story. Updates may  
be less frequent than I 'd like, though, at least until I finish 'Never  
Leave' which should be up soon. This one contains no incest (yet), no smut, fluff, or really any sort of romance at all (once again, yet) and it  
is my first humor fic in a while, therefore making it a most unlike-me story. But I like it, so I decided to post it anyways. Please review, as my very happiness depends on feedback from all you awesome people reading  
this! Thanx!  
  
Disclaimer: This is the only time I'm saying this- I don't own anything! These characters (for the most part) belong to JKR, so don't waste your time on a lawsuit, I have no money anyways...  
  
Chapter 1 Bellatrix Black heard a door slam. Immediately she sat straight up in her bed and rather instinctually grabbed her wand from her bedside table. She had inherited this manor, quite recently, from her great aunt and still had no idea where anything was, so the door could have been right in back of her, and she wouldn't have a clue. "Damned manor," she muttered as she prepared to get out of bed. But then she heard a voice. "Bella! Bella, where are you?" somebody hissed. Instantly, she lay back down and pulled the silken sheets back up to her neck, groaning in annoyance. It was her cousin, Sirius. She heard him bump into something, and then a particularly loud crash and the whispering of "Shit!" 'Probably the most expensive antique vase in the house, of course,' Bellatrix thought. She figured she should probably save the rest of the manor total destruction and she shouted, "Sirius, I'm in here!" A moment later, an 18 year old boy with shoulder length black hair and rather dirty looking robes stumbled through the doorway. "Sirius, what are you doing here?!?!" she exclaimed. "Well, see," he said, looking down at his hands, "I was kinda wondering if I could, you know, stay here for-" "No," Bella interrupted, "definitely not." "Bella, I know we're not the best of friends or anything," "You got that right," she muttered. Sirius continued as though he hadn't heard her, "but we are cousins, and-"  
  
"Oh Sirius," Bella interjected, "quit it with the 'cousins' crap. I don't like you, and you don't particularly like me, so despite the fact that we are quote unquote 'cousins', you are not staying my house!" She pulled the multiple layers of blankets and sheets over her head, in hopes of making her decision seem somewhat final. "Aw Bella, what ever happened to the whole, 'family hospitality' thing?" "It died a slow and painful death by my request," she called up from beneath the quilts. "Bella-" "Sirius, why don't you just go back to Mother's house?" she asked, poking her head out. Sirius looked at her as though she were insane for even suggesting it, "Bella, do you know what that woman would do to me if I ever set foot in that wretched place again?" Bella smiled distantly, "Yes, and I only wish I could be there to see it."  
  
"Bella!" "Why don't you go to James's house?" "James has done enough for me, Bella, you know that!" he replied rather nervously. Bella rolled her eyes, "Yes, I know, but I don't really care! What about Remus, Peter, Lily?" she ticked off people on her fingers in a desperate manner. "Remus is in Paris, Peter is filthy conspirator, and I am definitely not going to my best friend's girlfriend's house!"  
"I don't care!" Bella shouted, "Just get out of my already abused  
domicile!!!!!" "Please, Bella, pretty, pretty please, with sugar on  
top? With sugar and cherries, and chocolate chips, and sprinkles, oh  
and peanut butter chips (yum peanut butter!) and-" 'This is pathetic,' thought Bella. "Fine! Fine, Sirius, you can stay here for one month! After that, you are out, and never coming back here ever! You will find yourself a house, and GET A LIFE, YOU HOPELESS LOSER!" she finished. Bella smiled serenely, "Is that very clear, Sirius, darling?" Sirius jumped up and down, illuminating every lamp in Bella's room with a flick of his wand, "Woo-hoo, this is going to be so much fun, Bella! We can make up for all those lost years, wow; it'll be like one big slumber party! I think this calls for some popcorn!" He started to leave the room, but Bella pointed her wand at him threateningly. "Don't. You. Dare," she whispered. "While you are here, you are not to disrupt my current lifestyle in any way at all. Now get in that bed," she concluded, pointing her wand to the identical bed that appeared on the on the other side of the room. Sirius raised an eyebrow. Bella rolled her eyes, "All the other bedrooms in the house are locked, don't go getting any ideas, you sick minded gutter child!" Sirius laughed and jumped onto the bed. "Good night, Bella!" he whispered loudly. "Good night Sirius," she replied firmly. With a sigh, she flicked her wand and turned out the lights.  
  
A/N: Yes, that was quite short, but I have to stop writing due to the fact that I have the sudden urge to go jump in the lake. Don't ask... Now don't you have something you should be doing, like, say, REVIEWING?!?! Oh you're going to review my story, well, how kind of you! ;-) I shall now go jump in the lake. Ciao!  
Emily 


	2. She's your cousin, sicko!

A/N: Here you have it: Chapter 2! This is a bit longer than Chapter 1, (yay!) but I myself don't quite like it as much as Chapter 1 (deal with it, self!) but that's just my opinion, so REVIEW and tell me what you think, as I (being the author) have a very small and insignificant opinion on all of this, of course. Anyway, I give you Chapter 2!

Chapter 2

The next morning, Bella awoke with light pouring through her floor to ceiling windows. There was the crash of pots and pans coming from the kitchen, and she could hear the sounds of cheering coming from outside her bedroom door, giving the impression that a large crowd was situated there. She raised her head, wondering what could bet the cause of such disarray in her peaceful house. Then the last night's events came flooding back to her.

"SIRIUS!" she shouted. Sirius came running into the room, dressed only in his boxers. Bella turned away and held a hand up in front of her face, "Ew! Okay, first of all, put some clothes on, and second of all, WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE!"

Sirius looked very confused, "What do you mean, Bella?"

Bella tried to take deep steady breaths, trying to preclude extreme hyperventilation. "Sirius, why are the house elves up already, what on earth is that vociferous cheering in my sitting room, why aren't the shades drawn, and for the love of God, Sirius, WHAT TIME IS IT?"

A look of dawning comprehension appeared on Sirius's face, "Well, the house elves are making blueberry pancakes for us, the noise your hearing is a television, I opened the drapes because it was much too dark in here, and the time is approximately 8:30 am," he explained.

Bella closed her eyes, 'Remember what the therapist said,' she told herself, 'feel the anger lifting up, up, up to the sky!' Aloud she said, "Sirius, I hate blueberry pancakes, as a matter of fact, I hate breakfast foods in general (way too many carbs), the rooms are dark because light just bugs the hell out of me, and pray tell, my dear Sirius, what is a television?"

"A television is a Muggle invention that lets you watch anything you want, all the time!" he said excitedly.

Bellatrix tried dreadfully hard to keep her voice level as she said, "Sirius...just...just get-get out of my room, please, before I am forced to reduce you to a miniscule pile of dust...please." She smiled forcedly, before screeching, "GET OUT!" and using a Banishing Charm on Sirius and then slamming the door.

She lay back down, breathing deeply, and forcing herself to refrain from Hexing Sirius into oblivion, before she got up, pulled on her pink linen bathrobe and ventured into the hallway outside her chamber. Bellatrix took the steps one at a time, in quite a jaded manner, and arrived in the downstairs parlor, only to find Sirius sitting on the nearly antediluvian sofa, still in naught but his boxers, eating a large pile of blueberry pancakes and watching what appeared to be a group of Muggles playing some sort of sport a bit like Quidditch, except for the fact that it was on the ground, there was only one ball, and only one vertically sitting hoop that they shot at...okay, so maybe not so much like Quidditch, but it was the only comparison to anything she'd ever seen that Bella could think of.

Sirius looked up as Bella entered the room. "'Morning, Bella! Do you want some blueberry pancakes?" he asked cheerily.

She gritted her teeth as she answered, "Sirius, I am on Atkins, and I already told you, blueberry pancakes revolt me."

He shrugged and went back to pouring syrup on his mountain of pancakes and sausage. He suddenly looked up again, and regarded Bella with an appraising look. "You know, I never did think pink was really your color," he informed her.

Bella blushed and muttered something that sounded strangely like, "Present from grandma..."

Sirius grinned, "Grandma, eh? You never did have the nerve to stand up to that old hag."

"Shut up, Sirius!" said Bella in a warning tone.

Sirius only smiled wider, "You really should go for something a little darker, navy, black, even beige maybe, but pink? I-"

"Ever heard the word 'evicted', Sirius?" she threatened. Sirius said no more after that, but continued to stifle laughs every time he looked at Bella, until she finally left the room in irritation. She sighed; her body couldn't take this kind of stress. She looked in the mirror that hung in the hallway, was that a pimple she saw on her forehead? She'd heard that mental strain could cause acne! She seriously needed to wind down! 'A hot bath will do me good,' she thought.

In 5 five minutes, she was sinking down into a tub of scalding water filled with raspberry scented bubbles and bath beads, and strewn with red rose petals. She tilted her head back, letting her raven tresses envelope her body to her waist. 'Now, all I have to do is think of a way to get Sirius out of my house, and everything will be fine...sort of," she contemplated.

Letting the water wash away her cares, she felt her very muscles relax, and for the first time that day, she felt tranquil...for a bit. Just as she was preparing to force herself away from the heated comfort of her bath, Sirius burst in, dressed in a black bathrobe and carrying one Bellatrix's towels, the black one embroidered in gold with the Black family crest.

Bella shrieked, and jumped up, grabbing an identical towel from the hook next to the tub. Sirius stood frozen for a moment but abruptly set off running as Bella chased after him through the corridors, still clutching the towel around her, and screaming every obscenity she had ever heard, and some she wasn't even aware she knew.

"I didn't know you were in there! Honest! I swear to God, all I wanted to do was take a shower! I never meant to-" He stopped shouting adamant persistency over his shoulder as he was forced to dive into a corner to avoid a hex from Bella. She loomed over him, looking ready to kill as he huddled, begging mercy in his tiny alcove.

"Sirius Black, you sick, perverted, bastard! I don't know what-" But Bella was interrupted by a noise from the dining room. With a flick of her wand, she was dressed in proper robes, and she sent cords out of her wand that bound Sirius.

He heard hushed voices and whispered conversation, and Bella came back looking somewhat pale, but no less angry. She released him from his bindings. "Let me lay this out for you: I am going to meet with the Dark Lord for a brief period of time-don't look so surprised, Sirius, you know I'm involved with the Death Eaters- and thus do not have the time to curse you senseless like I should. But I will tell you that if you ever do anything remotely like that again, don't expect to be waking up for a very, very long time," she concluded in a deadly whisper.

Sirius was left sitting, thinking, probably not the best thing to be doing at the moment. He couldn't get Bella off his mind, especially what he'd seen of her in the bath. Her long ebony hair fanning about her in the water, the rose petals emphasizing her carmine lips. Sirius shook his head, 'stop it!' he told himself, 'she's your cousin, you sicko!'

'Ah,' replied a voice in the back of his mind, 'but that's never stopped you before, has it?'

'I've never had a relationship any of my cousins! What the bloody hell are talking about?'

'I dunno, but it sounded kinda cool!' the voice responded.

"Merlin, I really must be going insane," Sirius said aloud, "because I sure as hell have never heard voices in my head before now, or have I..." Shaking his head, he went off to the kitchen to get some more pancakes.

A/N: I know, I know, I said no incest, I'm sorry! I couldn't help myself! Is it my fault that I have a strange obsession with Bella/Sirius fics? But don't worry, this still won't be a romance-centered fic...hopefully...By the way, the line "Ever heard the word 'evicted', Sirius?" is from Newlyweds, except Nick happened to use Casey instead of Sirius. Oh, and REVIEW! I BEG OF YOU! Okay, that sounded really pathetic, no need to clarify everyone's suspicions, so I'll just refrain from doing that ever again... Oh, and thanx to my AWESOME, AWESOME reviewers that save my self- esteem from complete and total destruction! By the way, Trinity Day: Yes, I did format stuff, but my retarded computer has some huge problem with me trying to correctly format anything, so it just basically does whatever it wants. I'm trying to fix it, but very sorry for the inconvenience of it being harder to read. Sorry! Ciao, people!


	3. the good day

A/N: So here I am at 3:00 am, still not tired, and thus writing Chapter 3. This is short and pointless, but I felt like showing that Sirius didn't have to be the annoyingfreakounwantedcousin all the time, though most of the time he is. This probably makes no sense to you unless you're reading this after you've finished the chapter for some reason (?) so, to all you non-freakos out there, I promise you this will make sense after you read the chapter! I know that the last chapter contained hints of Bellatrix/Sirius, but like I said, this fic is not centered on romance, so don't be surprised if that doesn't come into play until later. If you haven't noticed, the plot for this story is practically nonexistent, so don't expect any sudden "Oh, my God, a plot!"s or anything. Yeah…I'll stop rambling and get to the chapter…  
  
Chapter 3  
  
"Bella! I'm hungry, and you don't have any peanut butter!" was the cry that Bellatrix woke to the next day. She rolled over, trying to ignore what she had multiple times attempted to convince herself was a schizophrenic voice inside her head, and not an exasperating family member that she actually to answer to get it to go away. Finally Sirius rushed into her bedroom and ripped the covers off her head, screaming at the top of his lungs, "Bellatrix Black, you are supposed to be my hostess, and-"  
This caused Bella to leap out of bed faster than she ever imagined. "YOUR HOSTESS?" she shrieked, "I DON'T BELIEVE IT WAS ME WHO ASKED YOU TO COME STORMING INTO MY MANOR AND DEMAND TO STAY HERE! I DON'T BELIEVE IT WAS ME WHO ASKED YOU TO COME BARGING INTO MY HOME AND COMPLETELY INTERRUPT MY DAILY LIFE, AND I'M POSITIVE THAT IT WASN'T ME WHO ASKED YOU TO WAKE ME UP EVERY MORNING AT SOME UNGODLY HOUR DEMANDING TO BE FED! DO YOU RECALL THAT, BECAUSE I CERTAINLY DON'T?!?!" Though Bella was a good 5 inches shorter than Sirius, he cowered at her rage, and waited until she had sat back down before continuing his rant. "Well it's still your house, and it's quite obvious that the human race requires a good amount of peanut butter daily to survive, therefore, you should have a full supply of it in your house at all times!" And with that, he folded his arms and sat down on his bed with a pout. Bella chose to ignore this, and instead fell promptly back to sleep. When she awoke, it was upon her own accord, thank God, and was quite pleasant. The shades were drawn, once again, and there was no noise from anywhere in the house. Bella sat up, stretched, and immediately noticed her bedside table. On it was a vase containing a single lily and a plate of peanut butter cookies. Next to them was a note. She picked it up and read it:  
Dear Bella,  
The elves finally found some peanut butter, not enough to eat, so I put it in the cookies. I've gone out to buy some more, and due to the fact that it's impossible to find good quality peanut butter hardly anywhere nowadays, I won't be back until later. See you later,  
Sirius PS- I'm sorry I woke you up this morning. Blame it on my serious addiction to peanut butter…  
  
Bella laughed, then smiled and fell back onto her pillows, taking a bite out of one of the cookies. Sirius really could be so sweet when he wanted to. It really was a shame he was more often just plain annoying. The rest of the day, Bella spent taking advantage of Sirius's absence: in her sauna, sitting peacefully on her porch in the sun, and (one of her newly discovered guilty pleasures) watching QVC- the ultimate home shopping channel!- on Sirius's television.  
"Next, we have this beautiful princess cut diamond set, comes with earrings, ring and necklace. Oh, this is absolutely gorgeous, just look at the way it catches that light. As a matter of fact, this is Today's Special Value, and what a deal you get! If you'd like to order this, have your credit card ready, and this is J-85323." spoke the woman on TV, "Later on today, we'll have the princess cut bracelet, which would go perfectly with any in this set…" [A/N: Actually taken from QVC…don't ask] "QVC?" asked a voice behind Bella. She jumped, "OH, Sirius, your back. Um, well, I was just flipping through the channels when you got here, and-" "You were so watching QVC!" grinned Sirius. Bellatrix smiled slightly, "The ultimate home shopping channel! Oh, by the way, thanks a lot for the cookies this morning, they…they were very good," she finished, trying to compliment Sirius without sounding too overly sentimental. Sirius beamed, "No problem." Bella retired to bed that night, feeling as though the whole thing with Sirius just might work out. It was the day Bella would remember for a long time after this as the first good day. And by the next day, she assumed it might have been the last…  
  
A/N: Ooh, what will happen the next day?!?! The sad thing is, I only have a vague idea of what's going to happen… For anyone just as eager as me to find out, and looking for a good way to pass the time before my next update, how about a fun little activity called "reviewing"! Lol. By the way, if you haven't noticed, this was just kind of a filler chapter leading up to the next one. I'll try to have the next chapter up for tomorrow, but if I don't then definitely by Friday. Also, I have been trying to fix the formatting problem with my computer and think it may be fixed, but I'm not sure, so I hope this works. Until then, I am truly sorry for it being so hard to read. Ciao! 


	4. Monday Night Football

A/N: This insomnia thing is becoming a habit, isn't it? Okay, so here's chapter 4, being written at exactly 2:53 am. Enjoy!

For the third morning in a row, Bella was woken by Sirius, at an hour much too early for her liking. This morning, she had to admit, however, was in a much more gentle manner.

"Bella," Sirius whispered, poking her gently, but firmly, as though determined to wake her up. "Bella," he whispered again, now gently shaking her by the shoulder. Bella pushed him away with one hand, and with the other, she grasped the blankets up to her chin.

"Sirius," she whined, "you know I need my beauty sleep! You've made me break out from stress as it is!"

Sirius stood above her, hands on his hips, "Bella, that was a single blemish, and anyways, there's someone here to see you!"

Bellatrix looked up confusedly. No one ever came to see her this early except- "My Lord!" she gasped, jumping up and throwing on a pair of black robes and pulling her hair into a messy bun. She rushed down into her sitting room, to see none other than Lord Voldemort himself sitting in her green upholstered armchair, and twirling his wand between his fingers.

He looked up as she entered the room, "Ah, Bella, Merlin, it took you long enough." Bella dropped to her knees and kissed the hem of his robes, murmuring apology. He motioned for her to get up, a bored look on his unnaturally pale face. "None of that, Bella, I need a last minute favor," he informed her.

"Of-of course, my Lord," she replied, confusedly.

"Yes, well I'll need you to house a meeting of Death Eaters and myself today, at approximately 5:00 pm. You will do this for me, won't you, my sweet Bella?"

"Certainly, my Lord," she answered. You did not refuse the Dark Lord anything. Ever. Bella knew this perfectly well, and wasn't about to infringe it.

Voldemort's thin white lips formed an abnormal smirk, as though he had never been taught how to properly smile, "Good, I will see you then, my dear." And with that, he was gone, though not with the nice clean apparation that most wizards could produce, but instead leaving behind a thick cloud of smoke.

Bella coughed and attempted to fan the smoke out of the room, bumping into Sirius on the way. "What did he want?" Sirius asked warily.

Bella looked at him sharply, "Sirius, I'm having some...guests tonight, and I need you to go somewhere else."

Sirius's raised an eyebrow, "Who exactly is going to be here that so requires me to leave?"

"It's none of your business!" she snapped, not meaning to be harsh, but knowing what Sirius would say if she told him the truth. Though they were only cousins, Sirius was very protective in a brotherly sort of fashion towards Bella. He wouldn't feel safe leaving her at home with a group of "evil wizards", "So in a way," she thought to herself, "I'm saving him quite a bit of worry." Satisfied with this, Bella went off to go shopping, after deciding that she should have a good amount of hors d'oeurves ready incase any of the Death Eaters became hungry. Always better to be prepared when dealing with "these sorts of people".

You see, Bella was not yet a callous, and malevolent individual, but had been recruited by the Dark Lord himself, who for some reason seemed determined to have Bella in his inner circle of followers. She was greatly treasured by Lord Voldemort, and any Death Eater who so much as looked at her the wrong way was punished severely by him. Bella understood the motives of the Death Eaters, but did not exactly consider herself one, and as far as world domination, she couldn't care less who won, as long as she wasn't affected by it. To some extent, she considered herself superior to the Death Eaters, looking down upon them as riotous, unmanageable ignoramuses. [A/N: I must give credit to my good friend Ally Katz, for the use of the word 'ignoramus'. Thanx Ally!] Though she did have a level of respect for a select few of them, for the most part, she tried to be uninvolved with the majority of their killings and such, preferring to be the planner, supporter, the clandestine follower. Of course she had a high regard for the Lord Voldemort himself, and feared him in an admiring way, knowing the extent of his powers and respecting their potential. [A/N: Just basically giving you an idea of where Bella stands with the Death Eaters at this point. Keep in mind that this is when Bella was very young and just beginning to be involved with the Voldemort and such, so just for the record, this is not how I view her in the future.]

She assured herself that Sirius would have no problem finding somewhere to go for a few hours. However, when she returned, her house was far from empty. She came in, handed off the bags to the house elves, and immediately froze as she heard raucous noise coming from her living room. "No," she moaned, "Please, don't even tell me..." She burst into the living room, and halted abruptly at what she saw. Sirius and five other people, two of which she recognized as Remus and James, two of Sirius's best friends, were sitting on the edge of her huge red couch, eyes glued to the screen of the television. Suddenly all of them jumped to their feet, cheering at full volume, giving each other high-fives, and in general just being boisterous and wild. Bella stared in horror at the mess of chips, popcorn, and several alcoholic beverages that littered the coffee table. Suddenly, the guys noticed Bellatrix and froze.

James flashed her an award-winning smile, and looked as though he was about to say something, but Remus, who had sat down and was looking rather nervous, signaled him to stop. Sirius, however, ran over to greet Bella, looking cheerful as could be, "Hey, Bella! This is Conner, Brian, and Adam, you know James and Remus, and-" He was cut short by Bella pulling him roughly into the hall. She placed an accusing finger on his chest, and pushed him backwards until he was against the wall.

"Sirius Black," she hissed murderously, "What the blooy hell is this?"

Sirius rather wished she would chase him through the halls again, instead of standing in front of him, looking as though she would whip out her wand at any moment and kill him then and there. "Um...Monday Night Football?" he asked hopefully.

"And did I not tell you this morning that I needed you leave tonight?" she asked, once again in that calm, yet lethal voice.

"Um, yes," he replied slowly, then speeding up his voice so as to be heard out, "but-we-all-wanted-to-watch-football-and-I-was-the-only-one-who-had-a-tv-so-I-brought-everyone-here!"

"THAT IS NOT-" But Bella was interrupted by the sound of voices in her foyer. "Oh, no, they're here," she whispered, "Okay, Sirius, you go back and watch football with your friends, but you sure as hell better not make any noise, as a matter of fact-" Bella cast a Silencing Charm on the room, so no noise would be heard. After making sure the door was securely shut, Bella ran to meet her guests and lead them to the sitting room. The followers sat around, talking loudly and eating the food that Bella had levitated out from the kitchen. Soon, though, Voldemort himself arrived and they quieted abruptly. As soon as he arrived, Lord Voldemort looked around, seeming a bit puzzled.

"Bella, pet, why don't we move the meeting to the living room, it's much bigger," he commented. Though the meeting was only of the elite Death Eaters in Voldemort's inner circle, there were quite a few of them, and it was rather cramped in the sitting room. Bellatrix was about to agree, when she remembered Sirius and "Monday Night Football".

"No," she replied hastily, "it's...it's a mess in there, the elves haven't cleaned it since...since-" But she was spared an explanation of exactly what event had taken place in her living room, as she noticed that Voldemort had simply frowned and turned back to his conversation. Bella let out the breath she had been holding with relief. She knew that if the Dark Lord had demanded to move the meeting to the living room, she could not refuse. Bella barely paid attention to the subject of the conference, but instead spent the time hoping that the muffled shouts of "Fumble! Oh, come on where's the fumble?" and "No, where are you going, crush him!" [A/N: Note that these comments were actually taken from listening to my father, uncle, etc. on Superbowl Sunday...] were not heard, as the Silencing Charm gradually wore off. The meeting continued on until late in the night, when James, Remus, and the other friends whose names Bella had not paid attention to finally left.

Unfortunately, Voldemort took it upon himself to turn towards the window and just in time to see the five of them apparate off her walkway. [A/N: Don't ask me why they didn't just apparate out of the living room. We'll just say that...there are charms on the house that prevent anyone from apparating directly inside of it. Wow, that's one of my better excuses!] "Bella," he asked, looking as though he was striving to keep his voice level, "Who are those men?"

Bella racked her brain for an excuse, and finally told him, "Those are just some people I had working on the...the roof. Yes, we lost some shingle in a storm a few weeks ago," she said, doing her best to sound convincing.

"Bella, doll, we haven't had a storm for weeks! Surely you must be mistaken," he replied in a manner that implied that what he was actually saying was "you are lying to me and I know it".

"I-I...um well, you see-" Bella stuttered as Lord Voldemort's eyes thinned to threatening slits. Suddenly, he cupped a finger under her chin rather roughly and tilted her face towards his.

"Bella, I am not a stupid man. I can tell when someone is lying to me, and I don't like being lied to. I suggest you tell me exactly who those people were right now before I lose my temper," he finished.

Bella stood perfectly still, though desperate to do something, anything to get Voldemort's fingers off her face. She finally managed to choke out, "Y-Yes my Lord," and he dropped his hand to his side.

"So?" he inquired, "Who were they? Surely not...suitors? Is my little Bellatrix looking for a husband, because if you are, I assure you I could find you a high ranking Death Eaters that would suit you well..."

"No," she responded quickly, "No, I'm perfectly happy as I am. They-they were..." but Bella was interrupted by Sirius bounding into the room and standing directly between her and Voldemort, which was a pretty tight squeeze as Voldemort had been nearly pressing against her. Bella took a step back, but the Dark Lord held his ground.

"They were my friends!" Sirius shouted; the Death Eaters turned to look, "and I suggest you get out of here right now...and leave Bella alone!" Sirius looked as though he expected the whole crowd to cower at his very presence, which, of course, they didn't. Bella closed her eyes, "Maybe they'll humor him. Maybe they'll just leave," she thought, but knew they were empty wishes. Lord Voldemort would play with Sirius like a cat plays with it's prey [A/N: No, Voldemort is not going to bat Sirius around in the grass and toss him up into the air before carrying him around in his mouth a bit and then devouring him in a secluded corner! You know what I meant! I hope...] until it was convenient for him to do one of several things to Sirius, none of which was very pleasant. A few days ago, this would have been a perfect scenario for Bella: get rid of Sirius, and pass him off as some anti-Voldemort supporter that Bella had brought for her master to do away with. But now...she wanted to save Sirius, but knew that if she took a stand, it meant certain death.

Voldemort replied to Sirius's comment, "Do you really? Because I beg to differ."

"This house ain't big enough for the two of us," said Sirius, narrowing his eyes. Bella groaned inwardly, she'd really have to put away all those Western films... [A/N: Thanx to my dear friend Trisha for that! Long story...]

Voldemort answered smoothly, "Interesting, because I was thinking the same thing." Sirius looked surprised, and Bella could practically see what he was thinking: Shouldn't they be running away now? But Voldemort had no intention of moving a finger. "Now, I'm not quite sure I know your name, Bella didn't tell me she was having house guests," he continued, not looking in Bellatrix's direction. Bella felt her body go cold; she hadn't considered what having Sirius in her house meant for her. And Lord Voldemort did not look pleased. Sirius looked lost for words, so Voldemort spoke for him, "I strongly suggest you leave this residence as soon as you possibly can. This is a very unfortunate place for you to be." Translation: Get out before I kill you. Bella looked up, shocked; he was just going let Sirius leave? Just like that? Impossible! But lucky. Sirius spoke again, and Bellatrix hung her head once more: Voldemort knew Sirius wouldn't give up. He knew he'd stay and have his say.

"I don't think I'll be going anywhere for a while, thank you very much," Sirius said coldly finally realizing he wouldn't win.

"No? Well then I will leave in charge of this, Bella," Voldemort finished and turned on his heel, "I expect that he will be out of this house by the time I come back tomorrow. Is that very clear, my dear?" Bellatrix nodded vigorously. She had no other choice. Sirius would have to go. It was a miracle Voldemort hadn't killed them both already, and what had to be done, had to be done. The Death Eaters all began to leave, and apparate outside. Soon, Lord Voldemort was the only one left. He turned back to Bella, still on her doorstep, "And do make sure he leaves. I'd hate to bestow the consequences on you, such a pretty face..." And with that, he was gone.

To be continued...

A/N: Breck- I know, I know! I have failed! tears But he good news is that it's here now :)

Wow, that was late. And long. I've had it written for the longest time, but my internet was screwed up, but now it's fixed and then I lost the disk this was on, but I shall be posting new chapters more often now. I just realized, too, that this story is changing genres a lot: first it started out humor, then pre-romance, and this was somewhat drama. Hmmm, I not sure where this will all end up, as this is just one of my spur-of-the-moment stories that doesn't really have a lot yet at all. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all my lovely reviewers! Chocolate covered popcorn for all! Ciao peepz!


	5. Thank you peepz!

Okay, people, this is not an actual chapter, I know, but I am having major writers block right now, and I'm working on another, more important (in my opinion, of course) story. However, I would like to take this time to thank all my lovely, lovely reviewers whom I heart in a manner oddly similar to the way I heart a chocolate truffle! Here they are:

Candycloudz13: I'm happy you like it, and YAY FOR BEING THE FIRST REVIEWER!

Azure Myst: Um, I think you meant "update soon", not "review soon" but that's alright, I've done that a million times before too.

Trinity Day: Of _course_ Bella is the best character ever! Duh! I'm so glad you agree that the world would be a much better place with more passionate Bella/Sirius shippers like us!

Tansy: Oh, you warm the cockles of my heart. That is all.

Lynnaya: YAY, BLACKCEST! Tee-hee, gotta love it!

Tennisballwarrior: Dear God, I think I have gone insane a long time ago, but thank you for the official diagnosis!

BellaBlack: You read my story 3 times?!?! tears of joy Oh, I feel ever so loved... Chocolate covered popcorn for you! Unless, of course, you're allergic to chocolate, in which case you'll have to settle for regular popcorn.

America A. Black: Hm, now that I think about it, I believe that this is the very review through which we met! Wow, I shall hold it dear... And "so THEM" was exactly what I was shooting for, so thank you!

Breck: gasp never imagined Sirius/Bellatrix? You have not lived, my friend. But oh well, at least now you have! And yes, you must update the Harry Potter story! And "ginormous" is an awesome word that I just may have to steal from you! Muahahahahahahahahaha!

Lu: Well, sort of my goal on this was to get away from the typical evil Bellatrix stereotype and give a weakness. However, I'll be sure to have a few evil-Bella moments!: )


	6. Sirius's Decision

A/N: Yo yo yo my homies! Yeah, so I am writing this hopefully to post before I leave Maine in a few days. Now, I believe I have come up with a semi-plot that will please everyone: something for B/S people, something for those of you who enjoy action/adventure, a bit of drama, and lots of humor! There, happy? Good. Here's the chapter!

Previously…

"_I expect that he will out of the house by the time I come back tomorrow, is that very clear, my dear?" Bellatrix nodded vigorously. She had no choice. Sirius would have to go. It was a miracle Voldemort hadn't killed them both already, and what had to be done, had to be done. The Death Eaters all began to leave and apparate outside, and soon Lord Voldemort was the only one left. He turned back Bella, still on her doorstep, "And do make sure he leaves. I 'd hate to bestow the consequences on you, such a pretty face…" And with that, he was gone…_

Bellatrix breathed deeply and turned to Sirius. "Well, go pack your bags," she said sullenly.

Sirius looked enraged, "What do you mean? You're honestly going to let that big bully boss you around?"

Bella looked tiredly at Sirius. "Sirius, you've got to stop living in a world where every antagonist can be fought off with words. Telling someone 'You're mean!' doesn't cut it! Don't you get it? If you don't leave, we'll both be dead by Wednesday!"

"But Bella, I know you've been real hospitable and everything, but-"

"Sirius, the limit of my hospitality is when my life is threatened," she answered, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, but my point is-"

"Oh, he has a point! Happy day!"

"My point is, is that while it's very kind of you to consider my safety, I think I'll be alright on my own."

"O-on your own? You're not going to- OH NO SIRIUS, YOU ARE NOT, I REPEAT NOT GOING TO _DEUL_ WITH THE MOST POWERFUL WIZARD IN THE WORLD AND EXPECT TO LIVE!"

"Bella, be reasonable-"

"Me?" asked Bellatrix disbelievingly, "_Me_ be unreasonable? Sirius, I am not the one planning to do what no other wizard-or witch for that matter-has ever done before! No, Sirius, I think it's you who needs to get your priorities straight!"

"Bellatrix! Listen to me, please!" She knew Sirius was serious A/N: ha ha, that kind of rhymes! when he used her full name, and she sat warily down in a chintz-covered armchair. "I'll get him in a place when he least expects it! I'll make sure there's no one with him, I'll plan everything out, I'll have backup, I'll do everything! But I have to try! I can't stand to this-this _tyrant_ controlling all you people any more! I told you, I'll have everything worked out."

"I know," Bellatrix said softly, "I know you would, but Sirius, sometimes "everything" just isn't enough."

She got up and walked slowly out of the room leaving Sirius staring at her retreating back, feeling worse than ever. "Now I've done it," he thought to himself, "I've gone and upset her, lovely." "But do you really care all that much about _her_?" asked a voice in the back of his mind. "Argh! Stupid voices again!" he shouted, and, determined to rid himself of these annoying alter-egos once and for all, picked up a Tiffany lamp from the nearest end table and smacked himself over the head, breaking the lamp cleanly in two. The immediate shock sent Sirius crumpling to the floor, unconscious.

When he awoke, Sirius could feel someone gently stroking his cheek; cool, smooth fingers against his rough skin, their long nails trailing down his chin… This pleasant sensation was only strong enough to distract him for just a moment from the burning pain in his head. Automatically, he reached up to touch it, but a strong but gentle hand grabbed his wrist and pulled it back down. Immediately, his eyes flew open, and he saw a beautiful woman standing above him. Her ebony hair rippled down her back, as though blown by an invisible breeze, her amethyst eyes sparkling with the sheen of a thousand diamonds. Pale skin, tinted a natural red around her cheekbones graced her elegant face, and she stood with the confidence of a queen, a goddess; she was an- AGH! She was his cousin, he realized with a start!

Bellatrix rolled her eyes; why did men always look so surprised when they woke up seeing her? Of course, this situation was rather different… "I've just put some salve on your head to heal the cut a bit faster, and yes, I know it stings, but I simply couldn't find a spell to do it any quicker!" She paused for a moment, as though trying to keep from laughing, "So, um, what exactly _were_ you doing when you, um, hit yourself over the head with…my lamp?" she asked, cracking a smile.

"Oh, it was those stupid-" he suddenly thought better of it, and simply replied, "a headache."

"That's the new method, huh?"

"Mm-hm."

Bella smiled and turned to walk away. Before he could stop himself, Sirius blurted out, "You've got a Béyonce ass, you know that?" Bellatrix slowly turned around, a half-smile dancing eagerly at her lips. "My ass has been called many things, but that's the first time I've heard that one. I'll take it as a compliment, though, since all the other comments have been." Before he could respond, Bella continued quickly, but coolly out of the room.

Sirius grinned to himself, silently thanking his cable service for selling him out on MTV… Only now did his thoughts turn from the still somewhat awkward situation with his cousin to his first dilemma, Voldemort. HE groaned, not wanting to think about it, but the thought nagged him. Though unknowingly, every witch and wizard was under his command, though few people knew of his secret ties through the Ministry. He could not just let this man take over the world! Even if he had to do it himself, he would stop it. Somehow, someway, he would stop this evil from enveloping the lives of his family and friends, and everyone else that he didn't know personally, but who surely did not deserve to bear the terrible reign of the man who called himself their Lord. He stood up, ignoring the stinging that had returned to his wound. He would go, and he would return. And Bellatrix would confess her feelings for him and they would make wildly passionate love to make up for all the lost time they'd spent despising each other. Yes, that worked. "Hell, what am I waiting for?" he wondered and after grabbing his wand, he rushed towards the stairs to avoid seeing Bella.

A moment later, he returned to the room, deciding it would be best to change out of his pajamas before going to duel with the most powerful wizard currently making his appearance in the world. Yes, a good thought, that was. After changing into a fresh set of robes, he once again hurried towards the door, trying to reenact his previous bravado, but somehow, you lost the majority of your self-confidence once you realize you've almost left home in your bathrobe… Trying to put it behind him, he pulled open the door, but swung back around upon feeling a hand on his shoulder. It was Bella. Before he could explain his actions, she leaned in and kissed him full on the lips. It was a fleeting sensation, lasting only a moment, but those few precious seconds were enough to fill him again with the all the assurance he would ever need. "For luck," she whispered and smiled at him as she hurried away. Sirius couldn't help think that she looked almost, -could it be that Bellatrix black was blushing? "No woman ever could resist me for long," he smiled to himself, and strode out the door, unknowing of the danger that lay ahead.

Not far away, a man cloaked in black sat by a hearth, laughing into the flames. "Nagini," he said in his signature deathly soft voice, as he turned to the gigantmo snake that lay curled up next to him, "I think we may soon have a visitor."

A/N: Alright, quite a few things. 1) you have probably noticed thatit says in the first authors note that I should post before leaving Maine. I left Maine in August. That means that I have not updated this in 4 months! That's sad. But this chapter is by far the best yet, and thus, in my opinion, makes up for the time I have not updated! 2) I did not quite get to the action-adventure part in this chapter, but definitely in the next chapter. I promise it will not be as long as before until I update again! So sorry! 3) Please review! Alright, well that was not exactly "quite a few things" as I said….so I'll add another: 4) I like blue Popsicles. Okie-dokie, dilemma solved! Cheerio, my darlings!


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